IS WRITING YOUR MEMOIR HURTING SOMEONE ELSE?
Your sister has ostracized you; your dad complains
of chest pains now, and your only aunt says she’d rather undergo root canal
work, anesthesia-free, before she invites you over again, all because you’ve exposed
them in your published memoir. But, is
it really your story?
There is much debate over authors writing their
memoir, whether it’s to share their triumphs with the world, or to help others,
their story is intertwined with someone else’s.
The author’s recounting of events may differ from another family member
or friends’ recollection. Of course,
there’s also the factor of subjectivity.
Writing your memoir may seem an easy task; after
all, it’s your life and you know it well.
But, people see their lives in snapshots, and not necessarily cohesively
like a fictional novel. The story you
tell, is often idiosyncratic in nature, especially if it’s from the perspective
of your childhood.
People are always full of praise for showing them in
a favorable light; however, those who are shown in less glorious deeds are apt
to make your life miserable or take further action based on your published
work.
“For legal purposes, check with your attorney . . .”
notes Heather Marie Schuldt, a freelance writer and a member of Writers
group. She also adds, “Defamation is not
something you want on your record.” While Heather’s current novel is science
fiction, she brings up a valid point.
Writers should be cognizant of using real names of the people they are writing
about.
While most memoirs consist of elements of misery and
exultations, it’s important to write your memoir from a “healthy place” and not
drive the details of occurrences based on feeling victimized or bitter. In addition, readers want honesty from the
author. They know when they’ve been
cheated with loaded euphemisms, and jelly covered truths. If you can’t state it boldly, don’t write it!
So, is it fair that you should wait to tell your
story just because someone will have hurt feelings? What are you to do? Wait until they die? Forget about writing your memoir altogether?
Writers oftentimes do wait to pen their memoir. The death of a particular family member may
be a determining influence. In fact,
writer, Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen, suggests that in her blog, (http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogwriting/tips-for-writing-your-memoirs-without-hurting-family-members/.)
Waiting until the passing of a family member may be necessary, particularly if
the surrounding events were unpleasant.
The writer himself may need to give distance from material
that proves too painful to write such as the death of a loved one, abuse, or
alcoholism. There is nothing worse than a
reader turning page-after-page, ingesting the words of an author, accusatory in
tone, berate someone in their book. A
memoir that lacks in tenacity from its author, falling short of resolve, and
missing the acquired “grander lesson,” is tragic.
A writer ponders many scenarios when considering composing
their memoir. The number one concern
usually is the backlash from exposing someone in a permanent manner, and
without their permission. A writer also
has the right to tell their life experiences without allowing others to pull
their strings.
Striking the right cord is crucial when writing your
memoir. Your journey should be at the
pulse of the story, not the negative impressions from individuals. If the author reinterprets the misdeeds caused
by others, and turns them into a positive focus, then the book becomes golden. Readers appreciate when the author prevails over
opposition. It’s relatable and
inspiring!
Thank those who’ve attempted to oppress you. Their intricate role in your dogged conviction, to prove them wrong, by achieving your goals and becoming the success that you are today, are gifts, I’m willing to bet, they hadn’t intended for you to receive. (Copyright © 2012 by Pamela Towns.)
Are you in the
process of writing your memoir? If so,
what challenges are you facing?
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